OWN
by KatxValentine
Summary: Roger's emo. Mark is poor. Angel half and half. Collins is SMRT. Mimi got hit by a truck many times. Joanne's there. Maureen a whorebag. Together they form, THE CAST OF RENT!


Welcome to our fanfic. Fear it. I will warn all the Rent fans, no character (EVEN MAUREEN) is safe. And you know, Kat's a 'Wicked' fan, so it takes A-LOT for a 'Wicked' fan to bash Idina Menzel. Anyways, die hard Rent fans, run away screaming from your computer screens….

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Luna: If you have no sense of humor GOOD GOD RUN BEFORE YOU BECOME OFFENDED!1111!111!1!

Let it begin.

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Behold Mark. Mark is poor. Mark likes to _complain_ about being poor, through the majesty of attempted song lyrics. Also known as, say it with me people--

MUSICAL!

Because you know, it's completely normal to burst out into song about the fact that you're poor and can't get a job BECAUSE YOU DON'T TRY. They claim to be bohemians, but bohemians, I think, are a fancy way of describing poor drug addicts. Who are USUALLY bisexual. Or gay. Same difference.

And thus, down the street Mark rode, like a prince on a steed….or a bike. Same difference on that too. It's all based on perception, people, you see a guy on a bike, I see a deadbeat on a badly built stick. With two wheels (ain't a bike without wheels).

On the way to his shithole apartment (which, by the way, would be his GORGEOUS apartment if he were to CLEAN it). Now, folks, I present to you _this_ question.

Mark and, later mentioned bohemian, Roger, are both VERY (dirt) poor. SO poor, in fact, they cannot even afford food. However, WHERE THE HELL DID ALL THAT CRAP IN THE APARTMENT COME FROM? And Benny gave them that apartment for free right? For what? For being BROKE? BROKE AND UNPROMISING? Unless they happened to be doing Benny….or….perhaps Benny's wife, a few 'special favors'. All special favors lead to the same disease they are all riddled with. Except maybe Mark, Mark is poor and incapable of holding an erection (as proven later by La Vie Boheme). We all know it's true.

Hey, at least he isn't completely ridden with Chlymidia or perhaps Herpes.

Ever wonder why all those people in the Herpes commercials are all so friggin'- oh wait, off topic. Sorry.

Anyway, Mark got to said COULD BE CLEANLY apartment. Open door, go up stairs, blah blah blah. Of course, to find his best friend (who will only be referred to occasionally in the emoticon people use on AIM that portrays the little crying person) burning stuff. Now, Mark stopped, considered pyromania and promptly followed his friends' example. Mark was a follower, not a leader. If Roger was to shoot himself in the face, Mark would _also_ promptly follow.

BURN BABY BURN DISCO INFERNO….WE DON'T NEED NO WATER-

Oops, off topic again. I'm sorry, I'm enjoying myself. And my miniscule amounts of ADD. SQUEE!

Okay, so, they burn stuff. People go on the firescapes and whine about how poor _they_ are too. But, I ask you, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST WORK IN A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT? Instead of crying and singing, why not try applying to…I don't….know, the McDonald's down the block? But of course, no one will even consider that. Why? 'Cause apparently, bohemians are too good for work. They ain't too good for AIDS though. I'm gonna stop the cheap jokes now. Right after I explain that they are also too good for food, instead, they sustain themselves on particles of dust and the dead rat in the corner. You know, if you sprinkle some salt on it and slather it in honey mustard, it's a rat burger. Mmm…I smell another special on the McDonald's menu. Rat, the other other _other_ white meat. Right up there next to squirrel.

Alright, everyone sings, no one's happy, everyone's poor. And then, we get a brief glimpse of the movie's main female character.

Mimi.

Stop for a moment. Visualize with me, those of you who are proficient in either Taichi or perhaps some amount of creativity. You're reading fan fiction, you _must_ be a _little_ creative.

Okay. Mimi looks as if a truck has hit her. MANY. TIMES. OVER.

Imagine, if you will, dear Mimi, crossing the street. Decked out in whore makeup. Because, the raccoon-esque appearance just screams 'LOOK AT ME I'M SEXY!'. BAM! SMACK! Truck comes careening at Mimi., hits Mimi head on and then stops, and quite quickly, the driver smacks it into reverse. The punishment is not enough. It must reoccur, three more times. Until Mimi's insides are liquefied, and Mimi's outsides are mangled into the grotesque creature we all witness upon that fire escape. I must shudder and perhaps go vomit a little. I would like you to know, my friend here is having a seizure thanks to that. I HATE YOU MIMI.

Anyway, casually sidestepping my hatred, you may ask us, 'Luna and Kat, how is Mimi still walking?' and I may answer 'FUCK YOU.' Or, on a good day, I may answer, 'you see, Mimi is a heightened form of individual. She is an undead being resurrected by some form of Shaman. This drunken shaman one day ambled past Mimi's grave and spilled the goat blood. Thus is the origin of Mimi'.

And then, the car pulled up. And thus, was….

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Please leave a message after the tone….

…..Oh! Wait! That's right, I have to tell you!

BENNY! BEEEENNNNNYYYYY! Hoorah for Taye Diggs!

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End first chapter. Yes, we've begun the destruction. And no WE ARE NOT SORRY. Hope you're enjoying, it'll go on soon.


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